ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
