Sponge bath it is.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
