yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
