check it out our google latitudes are spooning
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
