Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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