They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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