Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
