Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
