Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
