Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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