Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
