i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
