She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
