don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
