accomplished twins. life is a go
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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