For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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