I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
