Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
