i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Two words: blizzard sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
