i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I will pee on everything he values.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
