i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
