sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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