I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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