I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
