I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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