i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
