the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
