i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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