today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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