just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
