While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
