Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
