OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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