if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
