have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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