Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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