call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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