Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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