so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
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I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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