I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
