Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
