i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
