I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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