i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
