Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
