it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
