i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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