Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to calm my uterus...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
