How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
