he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
