It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
a search helicopter?!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
