she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
