I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
