I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
