My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
