How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
