and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
