this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
