I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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