That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
