i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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