honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
