I'm jealous of your bromance
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
