she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
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So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.