I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it