she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
