operation harelip BJ is a go
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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