People with herpes should wear stickers.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
