I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
