sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
is that a dick in a sweater?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
