Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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