1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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