So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
