i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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