I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
