I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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