Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
