Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
