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last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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