i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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