Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my poor anus
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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