oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
