The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
