I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
