Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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