just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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