Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
