Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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