Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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